When you came that day I could not find a way to say How your presence allowed me To find a bit more glee
Lying there as the breeze came in Your eyes and your heart brought me a grin Within my soul, I felt it with all my might So I decided, right then and there, to keep up the fight
The music you brought was familiar As you strummed your guitar, I did remember The days when we were young When we had a little bit of fun
That time you tore off down the street After the ball I threw at your feet You raced like lightning Watching you fly, was such a sighting
The thunder comes in waves I miss you and regret my many ways I wish I could tell you why But it would make you cry
You showed up that day So there isn’t any kind of way I could bring sorrow To your hopeful morrow
The past doesn’t matter I left because I was full of chatter Of the wrong kind I was so blind
But I can see clearly now And you showed me how The way that you are Completely raised the bar
Our story might be One of tragedy But like all losses It doesn’t have to be
As my eyes closed and I listened The stars I did see, they glistened Your position and offer Helped me not to suffer
For just a few moments It was so very important Your sound filled my heart I dreamed of a fresh start
I can never explain my love What lives inside you is something of a dove For what you did for me Has given an unlikely ability
To know your heart And to see your start On a journey That I was never a part
You chose to show me How kindness can be After all these years You took away my fears
This has given me power To hang on and live for the flower That I see blooming Inside your garden, it is wonderfully soothing
You are not like the rest The courage living in your chest Amazes and delights It fires up all the lights
It sure has given me strength Your music, I wish it had no length I could listen forever Because it changes the weather
Outside and inside The storm turned into pride When you came that day And decided to play
My love you can see and you can know. I sat up all night thinking how is it so. It doesn’t feel like much maybe, but I need you to know. The way you are, the grit on your cheeks, the fear in your bones, the glass over your heart, it’s heavenly oh.
You aren’t the boy in the yard, or the lost one who is alone. You have delicate ears, soft eyes, rough hands and a soul of stone. The world has been bothersome and you chose beat over bone. Beautiful and sweet, pure and kind, grasping to own.
The dust around your body, the particles placing you astray, just wash them away. There’s a warmth, a cold, a warmth, a cold, just try and stay, just today, okay? You are protected by the special ones, to that I am one, you can play. Different shades, green and yellow, purple and black, no matter, they’re colours all the same, tones created from fray.
Lifting and moving, rolling and sliding you are more than tools, silt and trucks. You are lightning and strength and sensitive forces inherited from the mucks. The windows are always open you can choose what to breathe, it doesn’t have to suck. Without the blocks there is nothing to know how to surrender to and survive… shucks.
The giving from your hand and the easy way you go, the wind sweeping into your nose, you appease. I listen from all the way over here, I can hear the woe and the yearn to please. The last time you spoke, it was a goodbye that will rest far out wide and down in the depths of many seas.
I will always be watching you, my eyes scan the valleys and search the caves. Listen not to the ones who hold defence, who let compassion slide, who can’t see inside, who enjoy the rave. Your tired mind, your stretched emotions, listen less to them, be brave. The sparkle in your chest, you can rely and listen, you know what’s gone, and what you gave.
Missing them only means you are human. That the connection mattered and was important. Missing them doesn’t mean you are meant for each other, or it’s destiny or that it’s important to forget the incompatibilities because the good stuff was so good. Missing them means you lived, and gave your heart and now you are changed. Maybe you’re changed forever because of them. You aren’t changed for the worse because they are gone, but you are changed for the better because they were there. Not everyone on this earth is lucky enough to have experienced that one soul who, at the right time shows up and reaches inside you and ignites something unexpected, special and sort of life changing and maybe saw something in you that no one else ever had.
Even if you’d done a lot of healing up until when they arrived and you understood your patterns, your nervous system and you were more aligned with your true authentic self, if that person got a seat in your car, your partially healed car, your solitary car that generally remains empty without any passengers, that person, was definitely meant to sit beside you. And when they left the vehicle, they’re actually still sort of there, maybe just now in the backseat…or the trunk, or hanging out on the roof.
I don’t think there’s an amount of time, analysis, processing, understanding, reminiscing, questioning, trying not to miss, or rationalizing that will take them away from that nice place inside of you that is and forever will be, grateful for what they gave. Even when you know that you are better off without them and that you can’t have them in your life, that they are not meant to stay, it somehow doesn’t make it easier knowing that, especially if there wasn’t anything really awful, or the ending wasn’t terrible enough to have you feeling really relieved. That’s maybe even harder, when it’s just a slow fade, a distance created unintentionally, (or maybe intentionally), just two people moving in certain directions whose lives, needs, interests just no longer jive.
I think that some people are directed onto our path to teach us necessary lessons and to bring out pieces and parts of us that had been dormant prior to their arrival. And the length of time they are to stay with us, a specific calculation not to go unnoticed or ignored. But to examine in that very exact time frame what was gleaned, about yourself, about them, about the connection…and about life.
What was awakened as a result of their presence could have only come from them and no one else. The wisdom acquired from having them in your life, a necessary and difficult teaching. It’s cosmically surreal and amazing if you think about it really intimately. Who you were in those moments with them maybe you won’t be with anyone else or maybe you will but a slightly different and better version. It’s beautiful the way the Universe can send us the people who are meant to help us understand and learn the things we are supposed to and then take them away to teach us that important life skill of knowing when to let go and to give us the clarity that their absence brings.
And maybe out of the two of you, there was one who felt it harder, who maybe this relationship meant more and they cared harder, let their walls down faster and easier and just made the decision to fly and feel it all and to let what needed to come out during that time, just explode and flow freely. And maybe that’s where the misstep was. Or maybe you both were just on completely different pages of the same book and never really reading things the same way the entire time. Whatever it was or wasn’t, when you stop forcing, everything that is meant for you starts flowing effortlessly. Having their arrival and departure both feel unforced, is a strong and natural indication that the both of you still are, on the right path. Missing someone isn’t a message or sign that you’re not healing, it’s just a natural part of letting go.
I’m forever thankful for you. I’ll never forget and I’ll always be sending positive energy your way. Thank you for seeing me and for caring. My heart carries your warmth and I hope yours carries mine too.
Emma Wisdom 