The sound of sirens silences. You never heard them, they were so loud. The lights flashing, colours blazing, screaming. The decibels at the highest pitch, you didn’t flinch.
The heart that stole you, the breath that saved you. Gone in an instant, the injuries and impact, not minor. Little bumps, little bumps, little bumps. A tearful scene inside the mind, smoother now, without alert.
Standing by and watching the chaos, feeling the weight. Waiting for something, anything to lift the suspicion. She saw all along, but stayed because she is pure, she is love. But the sirens are silenced now, no more dilation of sight.
You took nine wrong steps, she led you back and you let her slip. She knows who you are more than you do. She wanted to love you, she let herself go somewhere for you. She will not look back, she will never come back.
The risks, the time, the lies, the loneliness is no more. The significance of her, of you, of it all, holds now a secret, a lesson. School was in but now it’s out, the path is very changed. Chalkboard statements erased.
The planets designed this, they directed the show. The actors and their parts following script, line by line. Memorizing became easy, learning became the challenge. Soaking wet scenes full of spark and defence, trying to calm a drowning tiger.
She lights a candle for you everyday, as you do too. The beauty in the growth, the transition, the purpose and the alarm. Never ever will forget, never will the tide stop moving. Washing away, washing away, washing away the clutch, the cling, the sting.
Who are they now? Who are they really? Two souls of wonderful light, they gave to one another amidst a storm. The sound of sirens are silenced. She heard loud and clear. There is no more mystery. The diamond, is stronger than ever.
I put on my butterfly earrings today and something happened. My earrings have a white butterfly on them and just after I placed the loop through my second ear, I got really dizzy, the room started to spin and I had to sit down quickly.
My eyes closed involuntarily. I didn’t feel in control of my body or state anymore like something had taken possession of me. I sat there trying to open my eyes but they were forced shut. I had to wait.
This was a strangely familiar experience. Sitting on the floor, alone, waiting, wondering, slowly breathing, and then it all came flooding back. I knew what was about to happen.
All of a sudden one yellow butterfly made its way out from inside my left ear. And from there, like follow the leader, more and more butterflies expelled out in swarms from the inside of both of my ears.
I stayed so still as I watched them. I was able to open my eyes as soon as the first butterfly came out. She gave me back my sight. I held out my arms in front of me and the butterflies lined up one by one across them. It tickled and they laughed and I smiled bigger than I had in a while. I started laughing too. Their colours and the feeling of them on my arms filled my mind and my soul with excitement. My brain was being lit up by so many vibrant and detailed wings. I watched them, trying not to disturb the ones on my cheeks with my gaze. There were so many butterflies on my head. I held still but I don’t think it mattered if I moved or not, they weren’t leaving me.
No one was here to see this except the seagulls floating by the window. I think a couple of them did double takes as they flew by. No one would believe me if I told them this anyway. So I won’t, just you I’ll tell. Our secret. You and the seagulls.
Then a truly blissful moment came, where I lay back, legs and arms slightly out to the side and my body transformed, completely covered in butterflies I was.
It felt like a tornado spinning inside my head on both sides, whizzing around in my ears, like a storm, thunder and lightning, booming, crashing, rushing, spinning, and as the butterflies left each ear, it felt like buckets of sand emptying and flowing out in a stream from my head. What a wild feeling.
The sound was just like sand in the ears, crunchy, swirling sand then ejecting out with force. I couldn’t hear anything, only the beauty unfolding from the storm inside me and then around me, in front of me, above me, all over me. I began to cry. It was so beautiful.
Lying on the floor, the tears streamed down the sides of my face. The butterflies started to get wet, some even settled on my tears. They fed on them. I don’t think that they minded because they didn’t move much. Their fluttering wings on my face felt calming, like they were trying to catch the tears and use them as fuel and as nourishment.
I knew eventually I would regain my hearing, but if that meant the butterflies would leave me, I would have happily stayed deaf inside this sandstorm to keep them close and to keep them coming. Butterflies ignited my body with a gentle warmth and a protective layer. My skin was barely visible. I was butterfly skin. Never the same.
These beautiful creatures screamed grace, joy, lightness, purity and peace. What had I done to create that moment, to be blessed by such an event? The last time this happened, I was someone else and I got scared. But this time, this time the joy and surrender and acceptance and trust and welcoming of what was happening was an overwhelming experience I didn’t want to end. Loving this fate. I welcomed every butterfly as they found a spot on my body.
They covered all inches of me, fluttered and then stilled themselves. They kissed every part of me, sucked the pain from my pulsing veins and changed the shape, the sound, and the smell, of all of the things that held me down.
I felt them all working together, giving, giving, giving, filling my heart, filling my heart, filling my heart, protecting my energy and protecting my soul. They worked their wings all across me. I had never felt a force so strong in all my life, and they did not stop until I was given what was desperately needed, replenishment in all of its forms.
I let them stay on me, allowing every moment to unfold just as it was meant to. They kept coming out of my ears, like each one had a very specific purpose, a determination and a job to fulfill. I felt like the butterfly woman. A receptacle for peace and rejuvenation. The soft and delicate power of these wonderful insects soothed my sandy mind and electrified the air around me.
I felt the shield. Each butterfly made an imprint, like the most beautiful parts of all of their souls transferring into mine. I lay there in grateful, astonished tears.
As the last butterfly departed from my ear, the moving sand sound stopped. I could hear. I lay still and hoped they would not leave. My heart felt different, bigger, stronger, truer and like I had a thousand, tiny, sweet singing souls cycling through my bloodstream.
I took a deep breath, then, the butterflies took flight away from my body. All together at once they lifted up and away from me. Their sudden absence drew me to grasp out and plead for them to stay. But instead, I sat up, smiled, thanked them for coming and then watched them float away.
They held me, blessed me, repleted me, heightened me, gifted me, sang to me… then flew out the window.
Thank you dear butterflies for choosing me. I will share your gifts and never forget what you gave me.
Sit in silence, do not share, do not speak, do not follow those who say it is how to be. Your body knows what, how, when and where. The truth will always come when no one is there. I am here, there, everywhere and nowhere, breath is the answer, let go of the noise, the sound, the chatter, the clatter, the smell of the unwise.
Perforated minds filled with nonsense and scatter. Swaying your hands to grip what they believe matters. Sit in silence, observe the feeling, the emotion and the messages unyielding. Listen I do to the sound of water, only oceans, only waves, only currents, only channels, only drips and splashes directing me inward, outward, dancing alone.
Splatter the landscape with torturous methods to peace, the story is wrong, the way has you fooled. Seeking guidance is no such thing, guidance and protection, wisdom and worth, not found in any one thing. Listen carefully because she says this without doubt, without hesitation, but who is she? She is your angel, your teacher, writing the story to alter what you thought you knew, believed and understood, she does not lie, she brings too much truth.
Shelves full of the same letters, sprawled together in different parts, stating the same, same, same, differences. Listen not to the letters you can touch. Listen harder to the letters that dissolve the pain through silence, listening, and jumping away from gain.
How many times have you felt the wind and the sorrow of voices full of love and affection yet, hungry for more because the temperature still drops below freezing. To warm the water, movement and redirection towards the unknown and the words of no one. Step back from what instructs, what they perceive as perfection and correction, and look to something that isn’t in the realm of comfort or rule.
Forever the same questions, same damage, same outcome, different souls, same path, what if there was another answer. Believe in what you will, read, talk, forge your path on stilts. Who decides for you, who decides for them, who decides this is truth? My truth is not yours, your truth is not mine, choices and actions, choices and actions set you free or keep you caged.
Human is matter, molecule, chemicals of quantum on a platter. Serve it. Do not turn the page. Sit here in silence, do not share, do not speak, do not follow those who say it is how to be. Your body knows what, how, when and where. The truth will always come when no one is there. I am here, there, everywhere and nowhere, breath is the answer, let go of the noise, the sound, the chatter, the clatter, the smell of the unwise.
