A certain kind of solitude my soul requires. Silent but full of sound. Quietly loud. A way for the mind to rest among raging fires. The burden of people, is it shameful? I am sometimes not proud.
Proud I am though of what I know of what I need. It’s simple and beautiful and kind and uncluttered. It’s pure, honest, a chosen loneliness, my good deed. The seagulls arrive, the crows walk with me, the wings they are fluttered.
Water is a sacred vessel, a portal, a connection to the divine. My spirit swims and dances and forges a path against the grind. Leave your words inside, don’t clutter my mind, I resign. Hydrated with silence, not isolation, not fearful avoidance, but a found that I always find.
To watch the leaves, to sing with the sea, to listen to animals. Have you heard the voice of an orca, the greeting of a feline, the dialogue of a goose? The creatures that delight us, teach us, need us, require so minimal. When you strip it down, let it go, stop asking, stop waiting, stop talking, stop needing, that’s the juice.
Take a walk, call yourself on the phone, talk to her, listen to her, be her hero. A certain kind of solitude holds no mystery, no questions, requires no logic. To share and bring forth the gifts from within: abandon the recipe, begin with zero. Depletion is mended by repletion from the elements, the true magic.
Do not tell me when you have never been keen. You can never know what has never been. Push to fill a space and a hole that was never meant to be filled. The hole is beauty, it’s sacrifice, it’s bold, it’s a story that is deserved to be seen. The comfort in a space so vibrant, so sure, so opposing, it is warm and never chilled.
No more apologies, time to raise the vibration and take the leap. The song my heart sings breaks the heart of the ones who’ve tried to listen. Leave me to my open windows, breezes, sunsets, cats, books, my friends who help me sleep, the sheep. Caring so deeply, giving so much, my heart knows nothing but to glisten.
But for that I need to awaken, to rest my feet, to hear less the opinion. To be surrounded by clouds and tides, less footsteps and pride. The device is soon to be forgotten, but I am still a civilian. Inside a place where fog meets ship, clear the passage, I do not hide.
When we first met you told me that I had reached my final destination. I felt it with every breath I took looking at you, inhaling you, touching you and listening to you. Being silent with you. Walking with you.
You carried me away to a wonderful place of exploration and I never imagined I could feel what it is that I do for you. You still light me up, cool me down, wrap me up and sing to me such a sweet, sweet song.
As the years have gone by I’ve needed you more in different ways, and in each way I needed you, like magic you gave it. You’ve kept showing up in exactly the right ways, like you had the secret formula of what to do every time I needed to be held just enough so that my mind and my heart could remain free, but also protected and nourished. Nourished is a great word to describe how I feel with you in my life. I feel fed in all the ways a human spirit can be fed and you do so without asking anything in return. Except, I love giving to you maybe more than you do to me but you don’t know that. You just want to give, I just want to give, and our dance is so special. Thirsty for reciprocation and it’s quenching because we know what we can do for each other and how to hit the spot, the bullseye, every time. We just know, minimal discussion, it’s an easy alignment.
When we are in sync, which is pretty much all the time, it’s thrilling, the way we beam because of one another, it feels unique. I wonder who before me it was that held the space that I now occupy. Could they do what I do? Was anyone able to do it quite like me? Before you, there were exciting moments and pleasurable times with others, but nothing like this. This makes too much sense it’s scary.
That secret little spot that I have, where I go when I need to cry and really think and process, I love the way you give me shelter when we are there together. You sit with me and listen and you always know the right things to say to make the tears flow harder and to then sweep them away. You give me my alone time, my much needed space and then, as if you’re inside my head carefully listening for when I say, “ok, come get me,” you quietly and gently appear with softness and warmth and that irresistible smile. That smile. The lines on your face, the creases, the pigments to your flesh, the tones you wear perfectly that flutter my senses higher than sky. The glaze in your eyes that pierce through every layer of longing inside me and stir the flowing potions in my veins. How do you know? How do I know? Because we’ve been doing this for centuries.
You didn’t know I was coming and I had no idea that you were a part of my answer. We’ve always been sailing together on the same ship though. You are growing me and I’m growing you too. Our healing powers like thunder and lightning, bold sound and fearless light ricocheting off one another balancing the decibels and signals to perfection.
Remember that time we were sitting on the rock in my other favourite spot? It was raining. You had a broken wing and were tired from such a long flight, trying to fly injured. You were reflecting on things and then you said to me after a long silence, “The moment you elevate who you are, what you have is forced to catch up. You’re not stuck, you’re under construction. Change who you are and what you have cannot stay the same.”
I have changed and what I have now is greater and more important and more valuable than anything I could have understood before. Pain stays only long enough to get you to that next place. Nothing happens in a state of resistance. I remember thinking that day sitting there in the rain with you how distinct and precious you are. You said to me then that I was among the rarest you had ever seen and felt.
Love stories exist in many forms. Some we can’t see or hear or touch. Those within the energetic vibrations of the Earth. It’s not just from human to human, but from element to person, animal to animal, water to tree, wind to dirt, human to rain, love is intertwined with every life form around us, breathing or not. Love can be found and cherished in whatever way we choose.
I feel so much love from you that with each breath, I inhale comfort and stability into my soul and it fills my lungs with oxygen that’s supercharged with extra molecules. When I exhale, you absorb my wisdom and you’ve shown me time and time again how it’s helped to change you too and how my presence in your life has gifted you in countless ways. I feel needed and adored.
Before I met you I didn’t know something like this was possible and maybe i’m crazy to be in love so strongly here like this, but that’s fine. I no longer have walls. I am strong and sure. The love I pass to you everyday and receive back has created an unexpected soothing partnership that I wouldn’t trade. I gave myself to you knowing this was going to be an amazing ride and it sure has. Thank you for being there for me and for watching over me. I am still in love with every part of you. You are my home.
Emma Wisdom 