surrender

Musical Tears

~ Emma ~ Leave a comment

You snuck in to come find me.
I’m leaving, moving, there’s another place I need to be.
The music is loud, pumping dramatic beats.
I can see you over there, you are scanning the crowd, my body heats.

“He’s here, he wants to talk to you, say a last goodbye.” Says a friend of mine.
“I don’t think I can, it’s too hard, I’m a mess, what if…I think I just need a sign.”
“He is your sign, he showed up tonight, he knows you’re leaving, he’s only here for you, you can do this, it’s only nine.”
“Ok, can you stay close when he comes, I need to know you’re here, just don’t listen but be near.”

The colourful light beams frolicking throughout this massive, high ceiling room.
Chest is heavy, mind is spinning, I want to dance but I’m staring at you from a distance, you search the crowd for my gaze, I cannot swoon.
Deep breath, boom, your piercing denim blues finally match my zoom.
Our eyes are locked, you put down your drink and push your way through the sea of fantastical dancing souls to come to me.
In this secret little corner, I am to cry very soon.

The DJ changes his tune something earthy and mysterious now, this is my vibing.
Your walk to me feels like it’s taking a decade, your eyes are sweet and you’re smiling.
I can hear them already, the descriptive way your blues speak, they say, “please stay, I know you won’t, I know you can’t, but please know I think of you every single day.”
You’re here now, at the table I sit, you across from me, I can’t stay still, I must shift.

Elbows on the table, forearms down, your palms face up in front of us. I know this move, your usual gesture.
It says with such clarity and ease, “Put your hands in mine, I am open, safe and here to listen to all that you say.”
I slowly bring my hands to meet yours knowing the second we touch, this interaction, much harder. I will keep my words steady and continue on my way.

Your eyes reaching inside, they always find my soul with every breath, every loud pause,
never leaving mine, not even for a second to look around, to be distracted. You calmly ask about the cause.
I try to explain, both of our palms now sweaty, holding tighter. I tell you how I am broken down by the laws.
The kind and loving way you listen and hold my shaking hands, you don’t see my flaws.

I can’t bear to look away from you for soon our eyes will never meet again.
I’m soaking this up, relishing, dancing in your gaze, devouring every blink trying to make them tandem, so I never miss a thing.
We are surrounded by a sea of loud movement yet, the room feels empty and quiet, very still.
The beats pulsing our blood, the music consuming our veins, we are a thrill.

I must convey my gratitude, my love and my pain.
You haven’t said much, I know you’re waiting and feeling quite slain.
The way you’re looking at me tonight is different, it’s desperate to make me stay.
I am stepping towards a future of new, a new day with a new way.

The tears pooling in your eyes, one, two, three drops as they fall down your dewy, glowing cheeks. You’re still smiling, but crying a soft tune.
I want to brush the tears from your face, I want to kiss them and taste the salty liquid of you one more time.
My heart can’t take this, watching you cry I need to bring you closer so our hearts can break together, and then somehow, attempt to take off and fly.

My mind searches for a memory we shared,
to take me away just for a moment from this present hurt.
That time you were so sweaty and frazzled and I tore off your shirt.
I inch closer, you pull me in a bit, I lean, I can’t help but let you hold me harder and nearer, but there cannot be an ounce of flirt or the slightest scene.
Except it’s too late, our souls were meant to roll around in the sun and in the dirt. What does it all mean?

Your hand reaches over to my face, cups my chin and my cheek softly, your head leans to one side.
This body language of surrender and acceptance amidst the chaos from this stormy tide.
Our hands part, leave one another for the last time.
Am I making a mistake? No. I am not ok, but I am going to be just fine.

I could stare at your face all night but I need to push you away now, so I can regain and recenter my sight.
You stand up to leave and I stay sitting.
My heart is beating too fast, I’m panicking and losing my might.
You come around the table towards me, this is fitting, I think I’m tripping, it’s a fright.

Standing beside me now eyes still locked, I can sense you’re thinking, wondering…I feel rocked.
Your breathing is short, your chest raising fast, the light quickly shines on us, one bold move and your hands grip my face, our lips collide, our tongues embrace.
This feels necessary, it’s perfect, to have this kiss to end the night.
It feels sad and painful, with yearning, but it’s nothing less than very right.

Our lips glued together like magnetic fields,
I know we have to stop, slow down,
I didn’t have time to reach for and hold up my shield.
Oh well, let this kiss imprint my body and soul. Let it drip with emotion and passion and then let it roam.
Let it run, keep going, harder, sweeter, longer, more, because when we stop, I will let go and I will go home.

Your hands leave my face and our lips depart.
You step away, tears still inside your heart.
No more words, just intense stares.
Five, six, seven seconds pass, you don’t look away, so full of care.
You hesitate to turn, try to walk away but something is holding you, I want you to share, I want you to say.
I want you to stay, I want you to walk away.

You wipe the wet from your eyes and turn your back to me in a strange disguise.
Thank you sweet man, you are forever a treasure that felt much like a prize.
Here we go now we can rise above the clouds and the stars because we know now the highs and the tries and what is forever ours.
Watching you disappear into the crowd, the music knows that it’s over.
I am alone now, sitting here with my wise and my cries. Then…one last look, over your shoulder.

Wolves and Wine

~ Emma ~ Leave a comment

You took off like a bullet.
Do bullets actually take…off?
I put on a sweater because it’s cold now.
Your absence brings an age of…ice.

Icy shivers down my spine.
I’m going to add to my sweater, some wine.
I don’t drink, is this ok? I look at your face, but I’m blind.
It’s a good thing we never signed.

I’m inside a warm and cozy cave.
I’ve got tools and I know how to save.
It’s just us now. You’re my fav.
The fire I’ve got inside, keeps me brave.

I’m ok huddled here, I’ll be ok.
I can hear the wolves outside, I hope they stay.
It’s peaceful in here, I’ve made a good spot to lay.
The night is long but today…is the day.

The cave walls have a smooth look.
No jagged or rough edges, nowhere for a hook.
I feel safe. The flames burning, crackling, I remember what you took.
Be careful out there, don’t get shook.

I sit here by the fire, in my sweater in this cave.
I watch their movement outside, the wolves pace back and forth.
I’m not afraid. I think they are my protection, not here for an election.
Thank you dear wolf pack, for having my back.

How did I get here? Huddled, alone, protected by wolves?
I can see the sky outside a bit. It’s bare.
What a feeling this is. Uncertain and unsettled, but in good care.
Fire is comfort for my soul and my mind. I close my eyes.

The heat pressing my face, it got brighter even without sight.
I pray that you are alive and safe.
I hope you come back one day. But until you do. I’ll wait.
Here inside this cave, behind the wolves. In my sweater.
With my wine. With my tribe.  

Fire Horse

~ Emma ~ 3 Comments

The year of the “Fire Horse” happens about every 60 years. 2026 is the year of the Horse. If you were born in 1906, 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014 and 2026 this is your year. But it is also a Fire year. Next year is also a Fire year and the animal next year being the Goat. This is considered the “Red Horse and Red Goat Calamity” which will go on from February 17, 2026 to January 25, 2028. The last time this happened was 1966-1967. What happened in those two years for you if you were alive then, do you remember?

I love Astrology and being a fire sign myself, when I realized this was the year of the Horse but also the Fire Horse, it was a bit of an “aha” moment. Certain things really started to make more sense and as I began to research about this particular two year “calamity” that is upon us, I started to get really excited. Before I knew about the Fire Horse year, I could already sense something within my own fiery passion this year that was a little different. Can’t quite put my finger on this exactly. But it was something like, less hesitation towards things that were directly being controlled by my fire and also a comfort in trusting the way that that fire was burning now. The flames had changed. Choosing truth over safety felt a bit better. Something inside me is brighter right now. The existing flames that govern my life are blazing harder and with more intensity but also in a controlled, confident and easy to manage sort of way.

Fire is energy, passion, enthusiasm, movement and when combined with the energy of the horse, watch out because that energy is amplified to an almost chaotic place. I don’t know about you but I have felt even more on fire since the beginning of this year. This is not a quiet year. This is momentum and ignition. This year is decisive movement. The Fire Horse year is really quite beautiful. We are less tolerant of what drains us, more focused on movement than processing and something inside us feels sharper, more honest and clicked into place.

When you befriend the energies within you and understand how they function in every moment and when you let them speak and listen carefully and don’t apologize for the direction they are taking you, and when you trust in those energies however they may have shifted or grown, the Universe answers. The external energy combining with our internal producing an invisible alignment that is felt and unseen, hard to explain, but so full of force. Something is building.

Fire Horse energy does not wait for permission it rewards boldness and trusting in the self. “If you have been preparing, this year will feel like acceleration. The Fire Horse brings sudden opportunity, fast pivots, passion reignited, courage tested and visibility increased. It exposes where you are playing small. It amplifies where you are already aligned. This is not chaotic fire it is directional fire. The people who win in a Fire Horse year are the ones who move when the door opens instead of overthinking whether they deserve to walk through it. You are either pulled forward by momentum, or pushed forward by pressure. If you have felt the shift building, it’s not random. The frequency has changed.”

I found that description online somewhere and to everyone who needed to read that today, I hope it has given you some juice and some clarity. There’s so much about this fiery year that’s in store for all of us, I can feel it, it’s going to be intense and full of freedom. It’s going to be sensitive and powerful with lots of profound inner change. I already feel things changing and it just started. Damn that Fire Horse works fast, super sonic speed.

I found an amazing summary online by someone who really knows Chinese Astrological intricacies and instead of me paraphrasing, I’m going to share his words directly because they deserve to be read by more people, especially my people, you reading this, you are my people! So here they are. I know you’re smiling right now. As I type this I can feel your energy and the way that the Fire Horse is impacting you too. There are so many people that I care about who are on my mind and in my thoughts as I think about the next two years and what the Fire Horse will bring for you all. Aren’t you glad I started a Blog? Now you don’t need to go anywhere else for wisdom. I got you. Yes…YOU.  

“Fire is that which creates the center – earth. Fire always has a choice. It can harmonize around the center that has already been created. Or, it can reforge that center. So that is what we are doing here if we make that choice.

We all have a center within ourselves. And there are the centers of those things we are a part of. Our families, our communities, our friends, our countries. All of these will feel the heat.

Within ourselves, if we are good at taking responsibility for alignment with our own center – that in which we find our true self – then we can do amazing work.

Many of us need to do this work by making external changes. What we create on the outside gives answer to what we feel on the inside. And becomes a mirror for us to see within ourselves from. A reflection.

And what we create on the outside is going to be a part of the fire that is reshaping the centers of our families and our communities and our countries. So it is very important that we choose to be in good alignment with the lessons this inner fire brings us, so that the center we choose to create is a center that is able to be true for all of us. For we are all connected and our truths fit like puzzle pieces into the inner truths of others.

When there is division between us, it is a sign that our truths are not in alignment with each other. Like a bunch of pieces of metal scraps before they go into the forge to be melted down. That is what these years bring us. The heat to melt away our divisions, allowing us to be reforged as one again.”

Isn’t that beautiful? Thank you to the individual who produced this wonderfully detailed analysis. It was an important read for me today. I think Fire years tend to be more dramatic, fast moving and action oriented collectively and I’m definitely feeling the pace now.

February 17th marked the beginning. Did you feel it yesterday? Today? I sure did, what a shift. Now that you know this about this year, I hope you find your own perfect ways to harness this energy and this fire. Will you walk beside it or keep adding kindling to maintain it? Do you want to watch the horse cross the finish line standing in the bleachers cheering loudly or are you riding the horse, racing towards the finish line, wind blowing, gripped reins, breathing heavily, speed underneath you, freedom in your heart, passion in your soul. You get to choose. The fire is here to stay for two years. Use it in positive ways. Let it rage. Let it burn.

Blaze on beautiful souls!