My love you can see and you can know. I sat up all night thinking how is it so. It doesn’t feel like much maybe, but I need you to know. The way you are, the grit on your cheeks, the fear in your bones, the glass over your heart, it’s heavenly oh.
You aren’t the boy in the yard, or the lost one who is alone. You have delicate ears, soft eyes, rough hands and a soul of stone. The world has been bothersome and you chose beat over bone. Beautiful and sweet, pure and kind, grasping to own.
The dust around your body, the particles placing you astray, just wash them away. There’s a warmth, a cold, a warmth, a cold, just try and stay, just today, okay? You are protected by the special ones, to that I am one, you can play. Different shades, green and yellow, purple and black, no matter, they’re colours all the same, tones created from fray.
Lifting and moving, rolling and sliding you are more than tools, silt and trucks. You are lightning and strength and sensitive forces inherited from the mucks. The windows are always open you can choose what to breathe, it doesn’t have to suck. Without the blocks there is nothing to know how to surrender to and survive… shucks.
The giving from your hand and the easy way you go, the wind sweeping into your nose, you appease. I listen from all the way over here, I can hear the woe and the yearn to please. The last time you spoke, it was a goodbye that will rest far out wide and down in the depths of many seas.
I will always be watching you, my eyes scan the valleys and search the caves. Listen not to the ones who hold defence, who let compassion slide, who can’t see inside, who enjoy the rave. Your tired mind, your stretched emotions, listen less to them, be brave. The sparkle in your chest, you can rely and listen, you know what’s gone, and what you gave.
I put on my butterfly earrings today and something happened. My earrings have a white butterfly on them and just after I placed the loop through my second ear, I got really dizzy, the room started to spin and I had to sit down quickly.
My eyes closed involuntarily. I didn’t feel in control of my body or state anymore like something had taken possession of me. I sat there trying to open my eyes but they were forced shut. I had to wait.
This was a strangely familiar experience. Sitting on the floor, alone, waiting, wondering, slowly breathing, and then it all came flooding back. I knew what was about to happen.
All of a sudden one yellow butterfly made its way out from inside my left ear. And from there, like follow the leader, more and more butterflies expelled out in swarms from the inside of both of my ears.
I stayed so still as I watched them. I was able to open my eyes as soon as the first butterfly came out. She gave me back my sight. I held out my arms in front of me and the butterflies lined up one by one across them. It tickled and they laughed and I smiled bigger than I had in a while. I started laughing too. Their colours and the feeling of them on my arms filled my mind and my soul with excitement. My brain was being lit up by so many vibrant and detailed wings. I watched them, trying not to disturb the ones on my cheeks with my gaze. There were so many butterflies on my head. I held still but I don’t think it mattered if I moved or not, they weren’t leaving me.
No one was here to see this except the seagulls floating by the window. I think a couple of them did double takes as they flew by. No one would believe me if I told them this anyway. So I won’t, just you I’ll tell. Our secret. You and the seagulls.
Then a truly blissful moment came, where I lay back, legs and arms slightly out to the side and my body transformed, completely covered in butterflies I was.
It felt like a tornado spinning inside my head on both sides, whizzing around in my ears, like a storm, thunder and lightning, booming, crashing, rushing, spinning, and as the butterflies left each ear, it felt like buckets of sand emptying and flowing out in a stream from my head. What a wild feeling.
The sound was just like sand in the ears, crunchy, swirling sand then ejecting out with force. I couldn’t hear anything, only the beauty unfolding from the storm inside me and then around me, in front of me, above me, all over me. I began to cry. It was so beautiful.
Lying on the floor, the tears streamed down the sides of my face. The butterflies started to get wet, some even settled on my tears. They fed on them. I don’t think that they minded because they didn’t move much. Their fluttering wings on my face felt calming, like they were trying to catch the tears and use them as fuel and as nourishment.
I knew eventually I would regain my hearing, but if that meant the butterflies would leave me, I would have happily stayed deaf inside this sandstorm to keep them close and to keep them coming. Butterflies ignited my body with a gentle warmth and a protective layer. My skin was barely visible. I was butterfly skin. Never the same.
These beautiful creatures screamed grace, joy, lightness, purity and peace. What had I done to create that moment, to be blessed by such an event? The last time this happened, I was someone else and I got scared. But this time, this time the joy and surrender and acceptance and trust and welcoming of what was happening was an overwhelming experience I didn’t want to end. Loving this fate. I welcomed every butterfly as they found a spot on my body.
They covered all inches of me, fluttered and then stilled themselves. They kissed every part of me, sucked the pain from my pulsing veins and changed the shape, the sound, and the smell, of all of the things that held me down.
I felt them all working together, giving, giving, giving, filling my heart, filling my heart, filling my heart, protecting my energy and protecting my soul. They worked their wings all across me. I had never felt a force so strong in all my life, and they did not stop until I was given what was desperately needed, replenishment in all of its forms.
I let them stay on me, allowing every moment to unfold just as it was meant to. They kept coming out of my ears, like each one had a very specific purpose, a determination and a job to fulfill. I felt like the butterfly woman. A receptacle for peace and rejuvenation. The soft and delicate power of these wonderful insects soothed my sandy mind and electrified the air around me.
I felt the shield. Each butterfly made an imprint, like the most beautiful parts of all of their souls transferring into mine. I lay there in grateful, astonished tears.
As the last butterfly departed from my ear, the moving sand sound stopped. I could hear. I lay still and hoped they would not leave. My heart felt different, bigger, stronger, truer and like I had a thousand, tiny, sweet singing souls cycling through my bloodstream.
I took a deep breath, then, the butterflies took flight away from my body. All together at once they lifted up and away from me. Their sudden absence drew me to grasp out and plead for them to stay. But instead, I sat up, smiled, thanked them for coming and then watched them float away.
They held me, blessed me, repleted me, heightened me, gifted me, sang to me… then flew out the window.
Thank you dear butterflies for choosing me. I will share your gifts and never forget what you gave me.
Emma Wisdom 