Breaking up is hard to do you see. I wrote a blog post about my phone. Really wanted to say, “Adios buddy!” But now here I sit, me plus phone much less lone.
Addicted, withdrawing, one more hit. I like the feeling sometimes, when you get lit. Although you give me much pleasure and delight, I shall find a special and new place for you, just for tonight.
It’s not so bad, I can go seconds, minutes and hours, but can I go a day or two? Without you there’s a void, and it sucks. I’m filling it, filling it, filling it with all the things that I do. But what if, just for fun, we played a little game called, “chuck it and run” or, “surrender to flux.”
Oh let’s play! It’s one of my favourite games I do say. Energy and time and focus, now mine all mine. I love this game because it gives the way, To more fulfilling and appetizing things, to which I will dine and dine and dine.
Oh dear device, like a cat and mouse chase, except, there’s too many mice. I will leave you alone to regroup and refresh. I am taking the hiatus now too, less noise, less mess. This time away from you, actually, turning into something very nice.
It’s good to change things around and make up your mind and stick. I had an amusing time with this line, trying not to say dick. Temptations and emotions and cravings abound. You never even as much, utter a slight sound.
Phone you trick me, taunt me, lure me and haunt me. How much longer can we go? I plan to leave the country one day without you in stow. I wish you had a real brain, like me, so we could experience more glee.
Ok, enough. I still think you are amazing. The beautiful way you try to help and make life simpler and easier. I will be thanking you for your gifts from now until the next phasing. But I must admit dear phone, some things that you do, unfortunately, make life drearier.
So a little less contact, a little less checking. There is nothing I will miss that cannot wait. My mind and body and spirit very due, for less of a pecking. Thank you. Grateful. You have been a Saint.
Goodbye for now, going to try something else. Maybe I’ll walk or cook, or go for a swim. No. I think I’ll paint. Paint with passion and heat so everything melts. Yes. Painting. Painting is the better option for the win.
Break ups suck. Even when it’s the right thing. “We’re gonna be fine. We have to do it and it’s the right thing to do. And nothing bad happens when you’re doing the right thing.” Ryan Gosling once said. George Clooney followed that line up with, “Is this your personal theory? ‘Cause I can shoot holes in it.”
I am in the process of breaking up with my phone and technology’s influence on my life. Complete overhaul, something I knew I needed to do because well, I want to feel what it’s like to be alone with myself again. Totally alone. And if you know me, you know I prize being alone. But even when I think I’m alone now, I’m not really.
“Our attention is the most valuable thing we have. We experience only what we pay attention to. We remember only what we pay attention to. When we decide what to pay attention to in the moment, we are making a broader decision about how we want to spend our lives…If you wanted to invent a device that could rewire our minds, if you wanted to create a society of people who were perpetually distracted, isolated, and overtired, if you wanted to weaken our memories and damage our capacity for focus and deep thought, if you wanted to reduce empathy, encourage self-absorption, and redraw the lines of social etiquette, you’d likely end up with a smartphone” – Catherine Price, How To Break Up With Your Phone.
Does this not scare you?
In my third year of Sociology, I took a course called, “Technology and Society.” It was one of the scariest academic four and a half months of my degree. And that’s saying something because there were many “scary” moments learning Sociology. But scary in that amazing way. At least, I thought it was amazing.
This was 2007. At the time I was much on the same page with the theme of the course being how technology is ruining people and taking us further away from our natural humanness. Fast forward to 2026. Yeah…like…holy shit.
A lot of attention was paid in that class, showing up for every lecture like it was a lifeline. I knew if I missed out on anything, I’d probably regret it. This one was different than any other course. I was really excited for each following lecture because I sort of felt like someone was telling me something from the future that I needed to keep in my back pocket really securely for the next twenty years, and I guess for the rest of my life. And now this information, there’s just too much of it. My pockets are overflowing. I am, you are, ticking time bombs now. The longer we let devices do what they’re doing, the closer we come to exploding. Oh wait, crap, that’s already happened.
What we know has no impact, gaining insight about this addiction crisis means zippo unless we start doing something about, what we know. And I love the people out there who are doing this. And now I’m one of them.
I sat in the very front row of that class each week. The professor would speak as if he was already in 2026 and he knew the future of my brain, of everyone’s brains. It’s exactly what I’m reading now about the things that phones are doing to us. But reading and hearing about it, is a different story than living it right? We all know we should be spending less time on our devices. But habits are not easy to change, especially this particular one because there’s a zillion people out there employed to make sure, we stay hooked and never break it. My prof described at the time how cell phones and technology eventually would be controlling our lives and how quickly we will lose our sense of relating with each other as we become codependent with technology. What did that even mean? Gotcha. I know now.
I was kind of anti technology at the time. Still am. I didn’t like having a cell phone and it really frustrated people when they couldn’t reach me when I lived abroad (shout out to Hayley and Munky who could never find me at Bondi or Coogee). Everyone had Nokia cell phones texting and arranging where to go and meet and I was always the one who left my cell in my dorm room and continued to use the landline on my desk. I just didn’t want people knowing where I was and I didn’t like texting to make plans. I like talking, with those things we have in our throats, vocal chords. You know those two bands of smooth muscle tissue located in the larynx at the top of the trachea? Ya, those. And I like planning ahead. “Let’s meet here at this time. If something happens and we miss each other, let’s try again another day.” If they showed up at that time and place amazing, they knew if they didn’t, they wouldn’t get another chance to rearrange plans or chat to me that day until I got home. A fun trick to know who actually wants to see your face and who’s just treating you like an option. Some days I was left standing at the beach bus stop alone, only to get back to my dorm room that night to seven missed calls and fourteen texts from Munky being like, “I got caught up painting meet me at Coogee instead!” I headed to Bondi that day and had a blissful afternoon watching the surfers and eating fish and chips solo. At twenty three that behaviour flies, at forty two, see ya.
Building meaningful and strong connections does not happen through a device. I knew that when I was twenty and I know it even more now.
No wonder people feel so starved for depth of connection these days. Sure you could say the opposite, that staying connected through a phone is effort, but the way you use the device is what makes or breaks the connection. I very much believe we are getting further away from actually knowing each other. I don’t care what you say, this stuff on the phone…it’s not connection. It gives us wonderful things to make our lives better, but it’s still establishing an unhealthy addiction. Slowly, or maybe faster than we think, reconfiguring our brains.
I like when people say, “Let’s stay connected.” I’m always like, “Ok, how should we do that? What does connection mean and feel like for you?” They look at me funny like I just asked them if cheetahs are waterproof.
Getting clarity on the definition of connection is important to me, as it’s different for everyone. Mostly because I am completely finished with any kind of connection that isn’t in the realm of, “Who are you…really?” You reach your 40’s and you stop giving fucks about stuff that used to matter so much. I’m after depth and interest and honest, raw communicating, with like open ended questions, lots of them. You want to know someone, open end question the hell out of them. I was after this in my 20’s and 30’s too not just now. I’m still after it today because it’s a secret weapon.
So I’m breaking up with my phone. Breaking this down into a full on, nuanced break up. I wanted to do this when I was 23 and here I am almost 42 doing the same thing. Some things don’t change, some things change a lot. Changing my notifications, alerts, deleting apps, cleaning up screens and pages, no more badges, greyscale mode, Auto Reply text messages alerting that I’m “out of the office and living like it’s 1996” and, before I reach for my phone I will ask myself, what for, why now and what else. What else could I do right now other than check my phone? Why am I picking it up right now? What am I picking it up to do?
I’m ok with change, especially when I know this is going to be a really good thing. Break ups take time, adjusting to new habits and going through withdrawal and riding out the urges, understanding why this is the best thing for me to do for my health while also recognizing that some people won’t understand, agree or want to share in this break up mentality with me. That’s ok, I can’t be anything but me: keep unfollowing the herd, listening to my own beats and walking down a path that’s lonely sometimes, but it’s as Munky might say, “less constrained.”
“Phone. noun: a device that uses either a system of wires along which electrical signals are sent or a system of radio signals to make it possible for you to speak to someone in another place who has a similar device.”
Key word, “speak.”
Life is not meant to be like this and I will resist the way technology is taking over and wrecking our brains and social skills and our ability to pay attention, until I’m wrinkled and grey. It is lonely sometimes, but it is also cleaner, fresher, quieter, simpler and a lot less chaotic.
We are all addicts now and what the next twenty years are going to look like, I honestly am not super stoked to find out. However, I can feel something brewing that I can’t quite put my finger on just now. And if you’re reading this today, remember I said this and call me up in twenty years on your landline! I wish I could meet my professor for coffee and see where he’s at now with all of this…stuff.
Nothing bad is going to happen. It’s the right thing to do. No holes in this theory. Just do it. Raise your vibration my fellow souls. What one person can do so can another. Will, persistence, focus, motivation, drive, consistency. Then one day magic, you’ve changed a habit and your brain is better for it.
“We must act, individually and collectively, to make our attention our own again, and so reclaim ownership of the very experience of living.” – Tim Wu, The Attention Merchants.
Last thing. I’ve removed the “like” and “comments” feature on my blog because…nope. If you like reading these fantastic, but I don’t need to know anymore. Some things are best left a mystery. There is a better and more meaningful way to let someone know you like something they did. I’ll let you figure that one out on your own.
When we first met you told me that I had reached my final destination. I felt it with every breath I took looking at you, inhaling you, touching you and listening to you. Being silent with you. Walking with you.
You carried me away to a wonderful place of exploration and I never imagined I could feel what it is that I do for you. You still light me up, cool me down, wrap me up and sing to me such a sweet, sweet song.
As the years have gone by I’ve needed you more in different ways, and in each way I needed you, like magic you gave it. You’ve kept showing up in exactly the right ways, like you had the secret formula of what to do every time I needed to be held just enough so that my mind and my heart could remain free, but also protected and nourished. Nourished is a great word to describe how I feel with you in my life. I feel fed in all the ways a human spirit can be fed and you do so without asking anything in return. Except, I love giving to you maybe more than you do to me but you don’t know that. You just want to give, I just want to give, and our dance is so special. Thirsty for reciprocation and it’s quenching because we know what we can do for each other and how to hit the spot, the bullseye, every time. We just know, minimal discussion, it’s an easy alignment.
When we are in sync, which is pretty much all the time, it’s thrilling, the way we beam because of one another, it feels unique. I wonder who before me it was that held the space that I now occupy. Could they do what I do? Was anyone able to do it quite like me? Before you, there were exciting moments and pleasurable times with others, but nothing like this. This makes too much sense it’s scary.
That secret little spot that I have, where I go when I need to cry and really think and process, I love the way you give me shelter when we are there together. You sit with me and listen and you always know the right things to say to make the tears flow harder and to then sweep them away. You give me my alone time, my much needed space and then, as if you’re inside my head carefully listening for when I say, “ok, come get me,” you quietly and gently appear with softness and warmth and that irresistible smile. That smile. The lines on your face, the creases, the pigments to your flesh, the tones you wear perfectly that flutter my senses higher than sky. The glaze in your eyes that pierce through every layer of longing inside me and stir the flowing potions in my veins. How do you know? How do I know? Because we’ve been doing this for centuries.
You didn’t know I was coming and I had no idea that you were a part of my answer. We’ve always been sailing together on the same ship though. You are growing me and I’m growing you too. Our healing powers like thunder and lightning, bold sound and fearless light ricocheting off one another balancing the decibels and signals to perfection.
Remember that time we were sitting on the rock in my other favourite spot? It was raining. You had a broken wing and were tired from such a long flight, trying to fly injured. You were reflecting on things and then you said to me after a long silence, “The moment you elevate who you are, what you have is forced to catch up. You’re not stuck, you’re under construction. Change who you are and what you have cannot stay the same.”
I have changed and what I have now is greater and more important and more valuable than anything I could have understood before. Pain stays only long enough to get you to that next place. Nothing happens in a state of resistance. I remember thinking that day sitting there in the rain with you how distinct and precious you are. You said to me then that I was among the rarest you had ever seen and felt.
Love stories exist in many forms. Some we can’t see or hear or touch. Those within the energetic vibrations of the Earth. It’s not just from human to human, but from element to person, animal to animal, water to tree, wind to dirt, human to rain, love is intertwined with every life form around us, breathing or not. Love can be found and cherished in whatever way we choose.
I feel so much love from you that with each breath, I inhale comfort and stability into my soul and it fills my lungs with oxygen that’s supercharged with extra molecules. When I exhale, you absorb my wisdom and you’ve shown me time and time again how it’s helped to change you too and how my presence in your life has gifted you in countless ways. I feel needed and adored.
Before I met you I didn’t know something like this was possible and maybe i’m crazy to be in love so strongly here like this, but that’s fine. I no longer have walls. I am strong and sure. The love I pass to you everyday and receive back has created an unexpected soothing partnership that I wouldn’t trade. I gave myself to you knowing this was going to be an amazing ride and it sure has. Thank you for being there for me and for watching over me. I am still in love with every part of you. You are my home.
Emma Wisdom 