Apparently, the name Emma means “wholeness” or “whole” as well as “universal”. I can’t believe I didn’t know this. It makes a lot of sense to me though on many levels. And then I had this fun thought, imagine if Whole Foods was instead called “Emma Foods”?! I’m convinced there is some sort of cosmic meaning and connection here because Whole Foods is one of my favourite places to go. Especially Whole Foods in Vancouver. I can spend hours here, I’m here right now writing this sitting at the high bar type long table in front of the window. It’s such a great spot to watch people outside and have your back to the rest of the store, so you’re forced to really either focus just on your device, your meal or what’s outside. Most days I like sitting here just eating my snack watching people walk by outside, but today I felt like writing something.

I like going to busy places of solitude, (I realize that’s an oxymoron but it makes sense in my head). Like certain eateries, Ikea’s food court for example, certain coffee shops and cafés, but not Starbucks, there’s nothing isolating or solitude about Starbucks, everyone wants to know your damn name, and they sprawl it across your cup for Pete’s sake! Goodbye anonymity. And even if you use a fake name, the next time you come back, they’re like “Hey Susan! Great to see you again!” You feel slightly fraudish, and the person who you brought with you this time, this almost friend you made two weeks ago at the grocery store buying chips, (whom you actually stalked, hunted down and pounced on like a puma in desperate attempt for friendship acquisition) now thinks you’re weird, not who you said you were, and is about to question whether getting a mocha with you is the right move. Starbucks has no idea the problems they’ve caused for loner introverts just trying to be anonymous but still remain social. What a battleground.

This specific Whole Foods where I am now, I generally see people who are alone sitting and eating, or having their smoothies or teas, coffee, wheatgrass shots etc. by themselves more so than people in groups. It’s a great zone too because there’s private ish booths where you can’t see the people in the next booth and it’s got kind of a cozy vibe, you feel sort of hidden sitting there. Whoever designed the layout of this seating area with the specific type of chairs and tables did a great job. I love my spot at this long, high, ledge table thing facing the window. There’s the perfect amount of table from me to the window so I can still sprawl out my 5 different reusable ziplock bags with different snacks in them and my water bottle, my phone, a notebook and still not be disturbing the personal space of the individual beside me. I swear, whoever figured this out nailed it!

I love Whole Foods as a Company a lot too because of their values, mission, quality standards, friendly organic minded (not obsessed) people who, on so many occasions I have had lengthy philosophical, sociological or spiritual conversations with in the aisle. I feel like my people are here…well, some of them. I mean, I could have these conversations anywhere, in any grocery store, and I definitely try to! But Whole Foods isn’t just a grocery store, it’s a lifestyle and I find I meet more likeminded individuals here than I do other places.

The way it just feels here is what I like too. The comfort that I can make a unique “Emma Salad” and sit across from someone eating a single cantaloupe with a spoon, half a watermelon, 3 rock melons and 4 bananas as their meal and this be acceptable, normal and not deemed weird. I say that because some people think my salads look weird. But at Whole Foods what I’m putting in my bowl/box, it’s pretty non weird. I guess what I’m sort of getting at with this is, in a Society where scripts and standards and expectations and rules and conventions and “shoulds”, are so prevalent, permeating our minds (if we let them), staying authentic and supporting that authenticity is sometimes a challenge. Living in Vancouver makes me feel so much more normal than when I lived in Toronto. That’s a separate blog post entirely though that I’ll save for another day.

Trying to fit into something that feels opposite of what your soul needs to live, breathe, and thrive, changing who you are because that’s what they tell you you’re supposed to be, is a waste of energy and time. Fear of judgement or others’ opinions and wanting to be seen and understood in a certain way, we can exhaust ourselves with these things. There’s a great quote from a Sociologist guy I can’t remember the name of right now that goes: “I am not who I think I am. I am not who you think I am. I am who I think, you think I am”.

He’s saying our sense of self is formed by imagining how others see us, not just our own self-perception or their direct perception, but our imagined perception of their judgment, which shapes our feelings about ourselves. Highlighting that identity, is a social construct, a reflection of our interpretations of others’ views, which creates a complex feedback loop where we mold ourselves to fit what we think they want.

Tip: try NOT to do that. I’ve definitely done it…for maybe eight minutes, then I said “No I’d rather teach kids how to surf in Cape Town instead of sitting in an office reading about law and human rights”, sorry Dad. I turned out ok though I think, for the most part.

Compromising who you are, in any shape or form, is a recipe for disaster. Someone used to say to me often, never compromise on the things that make you shine. You appear shiny to them precisely because you’re not trying to be shiny for them.

I think making compromises in a relationship in order to make it work better does hold value. Actually, scratch that, I think if you have to make a lot of compromises it’s going to feel like…crap, and it’s probably the wrong relationship. But really, what do I know.
This is probably why I am single. Someone who wants to compromise my salad etiquette and structure, deal breaker. I’d rather die alone…with my salad.

I like men, a lot, I get along famously with many, maybe even better than I do with women, but, after careful consideration of who I am, and what I’ve learned, witnessed, heard, experienced, I think choosing singledom for myself has been a wise choice. I know I’m cute and sexy, and fun and authentic and smart and funny but, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t dress their salad, watch Netflix or anything for that matter that doesn’t have Timothée Chalamet or Ryan Gosling in it, and who prefers cats and trees to most people. Or maybe you do. And in that case, where ARE you?!

I don’t know how this post, which was supposed to be all about Whole Foods being my solo food haven, turned into a rant about my relationship status. It always comes back to this it seems. Single, married, divorced, situationship, boyfriend, girlfriend, the titles and labels abound. It’s funny, when someone asks me: “Are you single?” My Anthropological mind thinks, “Yes, I am one, single, human person, not two humans at once”. Like no one says: “Are you double?” Clearly no, I’m not double I don’t have a clone, there’s just one of me. “Are you a couple?” A couple of what? Ducks? Weirdos? Canadians? I think if aliens came to Earth, and landed anywhere other than Denmark (I hear life and existing there is pretty awesome) and wanted to learn about culture and language and…all of it, I think they’d probably last oh, maybe 6 days until they decided “Ya, let’s get back in the ship, head back to our planet stat where shit makes sense”.

I just laughed out loud just now and the guy sitting next to me eating his sandwich is now laughing too. Success! I love Whole Foods. I’ll make a better post about it another day that captures more of its “essence” but for now, I’ll leave this post by saying it’s a place that makes me happy, makes me feel good and understood, and, having the opportunity to live somewhere where I can find, go to, and frequent such a place, I am ever grateful for this. This one little thing. Sometimes all you need is just one small thing like this. On days when nothing makes any damn sense, Whole Foods it is! A side of sockeye salmon and a salad with my sunshine and solitude please. That was such a great alliteration sentence right there. Dropping mad “S” bombs!

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t cherish what Vancouver has to offer for my mind, my heart and my soul. And sure there’s Whole Foods in lots of cities and different kinds of health food and hippie style grocery stores all around the World and I love finding and exploring those and the different and interesting things that they have. But as much as different, new and unpredictable is great sometimes, keeps us adapting and growing, I really do also on the flip, appreciate sameness, predictability, reliability and consistency. And whether you find that in food, a dwelling, animals, nature, music, other humans, if it has those qualities, it’s a comfort and joy all the same.