growth

A Certain Kind of Solitude

~ Emma

A certain kind of solitude my soul requires.
Silent but full of sound. Quietly loud.
A way for the mind to rest among raging fires.
The burden of people, is it shameful? I am sometimes not proud.

Proud I am though of what I know of what I need.
It’s simple and beautiful and kind and uncluttered.
It’s pure, honest, a chosen loneliness, my good deed.
The seagulls arrive, the crows walk with me, the wings they are fluttered.

Water is a sacred vessel, a portal, a connection to the divine.
My spirit swims and dances and forges a path against the grind.
Leave your words inside, don’t clutter my mind, I resign.
Hydrated with silence, not isolation, not fearful avoidance, but a found that I always find.

To watch the leaves, to sing with the sea, to listen to animals.
Have you heard the voice of an orca, the greeting of a feline, the dialogue of a goose?
The creatures that delight us, teach us, need us, require so minimal.
When you strip it down, let it go, stop asking, stop waiting, stop talking, stop needing, that’s the juice.

Take a walk, call yourself on the phone, talk to her, listen to her, be her hero.
A certain kind of solitude holds no mystery, no questions, requires no logic.
To share and bring forth the gifts from within: abandon the recipe, begin with zero.
Depletion is mended by repletion from the elements, the true magic.

Do not tell me when you have never been keen. You can never know what has never been.
Push to fill a space and a hole that was never meant to be filled.
The hole is beauty, it’s sacrifice, it’s bold, it’s a story that is deserved to be seen.
The comfort in a space so vibrant, so sure, so opposing, it is warm and never chilled.

No more apologies, time to raise the vibration and take the leap.
The song my heart sings breaks the heart of the ones who’ve tried to listen.
Leave me to my open windows, breezes, sunsets, cats, books, my friends who help me sleep, the sheep.
Caring so deeply, giving so much, my heart knows nothing but to glisten.

But for that I need to awaken, to rest my feet, to hear less the opinion.
To be surrounded by clouds and tides, less footsteps and pride.
The device is soon to be forgotten, but I am still a civilian.
Inside a place where fog meets ship, clear the passage, I do not hide.

Letting Go

~ Emma

Missing them only means you are human. That the connection mattered and was important. Missing them doesn’t mean you are meant for each other, or it’s destiny or that it’s important to forget the incompatibilities because the good stuff was so good. Missing them means you lived, and gave your heart and now you are changed. Maybe you’re changed forever because of them. You aren’t changed for the worse because they are gone, but you are changed for the better because they were there. Not everyone on this earth is lucky enough to have experienced that one soul who, at the right time shows up and reaches inside you and ignites something unexpected, special and sort of life changing and maybe saw something in you that no one else ever had.

Even if you’d done a lot of healing up until when they arrived and you understood your patterns, your nervous system and you were more aligned with your true authentic self, if that person got a seat in your car, your partially healed car, your solitary car that generally remains empty without any passengers, that person, was definitely meant to sit beside you. And when they left the vehicle, they’re actually still sort of there, maybe just now in the backseat…or the trunk, or hanging out on the roof.

I don’t think there’s an amount of time, analysis, processing, understanding, reminiscing, questioning, trying not to miss, or rationalizing that will take them away from that nice place inside of you that is and forever will be, grateful for what they gave. Even when you know that you are better off without them and that you can’t have them in your life, that they are not meant to stay, it somehow doesn’t make it easier knowing that, especially if there wasn’t anything really awful, or the ending wasn’t terrible enough to have you feeling really relieved. That’s maybe even harder, when it’s just a slow fade, a distance created unintentionally, (or maybe intentionally), just two people moving in certain directions whose lives, needs, interests just no longer jive.

I think that some people are directed onto our path to teach us necessary lessons and to bring out pieces and parts of us that had been dormant prior to their arrival. And the length of time they are to stay with us, a specific calculation not to go unnoticed or ignored. But to examine in that very exact time frame what was gleaned, about yourself, about them, about the connection…and about life.

What was awakened as a result of their presence could have only come from them and no one else. The wisdom acquired from having them in your life, a necessary and difficult teaching. It’s cosmically surreal and amazing if you think about it really intimately. Who you were in those moments with them maybe you won’t be with anyone else or maybe you will but a slightly different and better version. It’s beautiful the way the Universe can send us the people who are meant to help us understand and learn the things we are supposed to and then take them away to teach us that important life skill of knowing when to let go and to give us the clarity that their absence brings.

And maybe out of the two of you, there was one who felt it harder, who maybe this relationship meant more and they cared harder, let their walls down faster and easier and just made the decision to fly and feel it all and to let what needed to come out during that time, just explode and flow freely. And maybe that’s where the misstep was. Or maybe you both were just on completely different pages of the same book and never really reading things the same way the entire time. Whatever it was or wasn’t, when you stop forcing, everything that is meant for you starts flowing effortlessly. Having their arrival and departure both feel unforced, is a strong and natural indication that the both of you still are, on the right path. Missing someone isn’t a message or sign that you’re not healing, it’s just a natural part of letting go.

I’m forever thankful for you. I’ll never forget and I’ll always be sending positive energy your way. Thank you for seeing me and for caring. My heart carries your warmth and I hope yours carries mine too.

Nurtured by Nature

~ Emma

You came by today and it was so good to see you.

When you touched me I felt your energy,
the warmth of your soul.

There were many others around but it just felt like us two.

As I looked down, you looked up,
we smiled and we were whole.

Many years together now, today was an important day.

My branches sheltered you and you
took the power.

Invigoration, strength and courage I smelled in your blood, it was a splay.

Your face, the sweetest sight not even the rain
could give a more beautiful shower.

You’ve been a victim too many times, but I’m right here, in between the sea and the silence.

I’ll never leave, and you know that. I’m always here when you come
and I’m standing stronger because you visit me.

When you arrived today again, I was grateful because I felt our special alliance.

There are many stories ahead for you, there are plenty of souls waiting,
you hear their plea.

You acknowledge me every time like it’s our very first meeting, and the aliveness I feel from your presence is purifying and thrilling.

Next time you could stay longer if you’d like, you could wrap your arms around me
and our souls could ignite, that’d be nice.

I could transfer some of my vibration and my deepest wisdom into your veins
and we could see together, the secrets of the future.

You’re always welcome here, I’ll always wait for you, my eyes will open
wider with glee when you approach.

Let’s keep listening to the birds and the breeze together and watch the others buzzing by.

When you’re here, life makes more sense, it’s where you’re supposed to be,
it’s where I am, it’s where we meet and where the Universe begins to listen and coordinate.

Our power together cannot compare, the truths we hold don’t match other realms.

We can choose, we can see, we can breathe, and we can be still,
strong, alone and very free…together.

Thank you for coming today, what a treat. Will you come tomorrow?
It’s ok if you don’t, be free and I’ll wait