life

I Don’t Know, It’s a Mystery

~ Emma ~ 1 Comment

“I realized for the first time in my life: there is nothing but mystery in the world, how it hides behind the fabric of our poor, browbeat days, shining brightly, and we don’t even know it.” – Sue Monk Kidd

You know those days where you finally stumble upon some answers? Not a lot, but just enough to make you go, “ahhhh, and there it is.” Answers to questions you have been searching and hoping for a little too tirelessly for a while now. The days where all of a sudden it clicks. I have had days lately where a lot of things were not making sense. Pondering over meanings of certain events, actions, people, interpreting certain signs, (maybe misinterpreting them?)

I love signs. And over the course of two days the Universe was screaming at me. Sign after sign after sign. The frequency was wild, I almost lost my hearing. I even had a moment where I said out loud to myself, with a chuckle and a smile, “Ok! Ok, ok, ok, I got it, I hear you, thanks guys!”

There is so much mystery around us, but inside it there always sits a plan that I think we should find comfort in trusting, even when it is far from obvious. The signs are there because there is a bigger plan. An important purpose for the confusion. A reason for the unreasonable. A method to the madness. Like that Polonius guy said in Hamlet, “Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.” That has to be one of the best lines (maybe a close second to this one: “What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today!”).

There is a lesson in the agony of the unknown and incomprehensible. When we seek answers in places that used to be reliable and dependable sources of wisdom, which now seem to be failing us, and when we look to familiar voices or thoughts in an effort to gain insight and for some reason that wisdom just isn’t following, I think there is a lot to learn from this. There is friction now in that search to solve the mystery for a reason. Looking for a sense of sureness that isn’t supposed to be there yet. “Be still and know.” Glennon Doyle says, “StopMovingStopTalkingStopSearchingStopPanickingStopFlailing. If you just stop doing, you’ll start knowing.”

It’s good to talk things out, find different ways to make sense of something. It’s great to ask others and get opinions and to analyze scenarios and outcomes. But sometimes in doing that, we can lose sight, get lost and be taken away from the very brutal fact that mystery will always be there in varying degrees and solving one mystery just frees up space for more. And when you invite someone else in to help solve the mystery, search the internet, or read books by experts, in my experience recently, it makes the mystery into something bigger than it needs to be and it turns mystery into a quest.  

Don’t go searching. When there’s a jolt of mystery in my life and I want it to dissolve to reveal what’s under the surface, my new stance and developed sense tells me to allow it and don’t seek to dissolve it. It has evolved and gotten stronger and more complex for a reason. Like a huge wave building. You’re sitting on your surf board watching this behemoth arrive, bigger and bigger, growing and growing, showing you it’s face, prepping you to start paddling, the anticipation increasing to next level fear, and you’re watching very carefully the timing of each inch of growth of this wave.

Watching the mystery grow. Something about that makes me feel thrilled but also uneasy. Letting it build without resistance. Getting excited for its peak when you know that once that wave gets closer and you get to stand up, ride it, feel the height of where it’s taking you, the sprays of water pelting on your face, the motions you need to adapt to, forcing your muscles to do their thing, just the two of you, the wave and you, dancing in that domination and submissive tango, that incredible speed at which the wave is now, in many ways, directing your destiny.

Surfing is a wonderful feeling. Riding waves is an experience worth having. If you have ever surfed a decent sized wave, you know what I am talking about. Just watching surfers as they descend down the pipe can take you to similar places just from standing on the shore. Watching what happens to both surfer and wave as they connect. It’s beautiful.

Riding that wave of mystery however big it is and for however long it lasts, you do eventually reach the shore and the mystery somehow does completely dissolve as if it never existed in the first place. Solving the mystery only comes from our own action or inaction, our choices and our own “knowing” deep inside ourselves, as well as, and maybe most importantly, trusting in something bigger.

I love that waves are never exactly the same and one moment they are enormous and then the next, they don’t exist. Getting to see one, ride one, enjoy one, feel exhilarated as a result of one and then all of a sudden poof it’s gone, like you never touched it and it never touched you, but the memory of those few seconds did something miraculous. The mystery was very alive and then it vanished because of what you did or did not do, what you thought, believed and what you trusted within yourself.  

What I loved about surfing too was that you knew that as you were paddling out, the next wave and that next ride, wasn’t going to be the same as the last one. That darn addicting mystery. How is this wave going to feel, am I going to feel less or more of what I just felt? I could sit all day on my board just out there watching the waves, listening, feeling, legs dangling in the water, board in between my legs just letting the waves pass and pass without riding any of them. Sitting there watching everyone else ride and have the time of their lives. There was always something peaceful about doing that. Sitting and waiting. Watching. Just breathing slowly and calmly with the ocean, me and my board, taking my time and not rushing into every wave that came at me. Making calculations. Evaluating the mystery in each kind of wave in an effort to understand how they function, build, swell, barrel, their shoulders, where their rip current is, the closeouts.

What each wave gives you is never exactly the same. So, appreciating the novelty and uniqueness of each one and how similar yet very different they can be in the way they make you feel when riding them, is I think a big part of the thrill of doing it and participating in the mystery of the ocean. The variety of feels and how each wave moves even though they are of the same force, same element, and once you’re up on that board it’s you and only you, who get to choose how you ride it.

I think we are drawn to mysterious and unpredictable things and situations sometimes. Good and not so good things happen as a result of that. Maybe there’s two or three types of people in this regard. Ones that need to know, plan, foresee and stay comfortable in the familiar and routine and predictable. Then there are the ones that enjoy the not knowing, wondering, the fact that nothing about what they are doing or where they’re going can be controlled and they’re not interested in controlling it, outcomes are not easily foreseen, and they have absolutely no idea what is coming next nor feel the desire to plan ahead for it. The third kind being someone who sits happily in between both of these. I think that’s where I might sit, fluctuating between the two in an effort to find balance.  

Not having any direction or understanding where it is that you are going, on occasion, is actually in a way having some direction don’t you think? Does that make sense? Maybe not. “I have direction. My direction is a mystery.”

“Having direction” is a saying that perplexes me a bit. Can we actually have this? “I have good direction” she said. What does she mean by this? That there is less mystery in her life? She’s actively controlling and trying to minimize mystery? She’s focused on staying on a certain path only? Is someone guiding her telling her which way to go?

The Dictionary defines mystery as “something that is difficult or impossible to understand or explain.” She probably means that she understands where she wants to go and how to get there and why. But you can have a great sense of direction but also be flooded with things that are difficult or impossible to understand or explain.

You know how to surf, how to paddle out, time it perfectly, when to pop up, how to guide the board and bend your knees and how to do this dance, but, what that wave is going to do once you’re actually riding it…total mystery! Why is that so appealing? Maybe because it encourages rapid fire adapting to the conditions just like any fast-moving sport, and we want to feel like we’re killin’ it? I’m going to fire myself out there and ride that sucker and hope for the best. What is hoping for the best? The best feeling, the richest dopamine and adrenaline rush, the smoothest, most perfect ride? Hoping I don’t fall on my face? What the “best” is, obviously is individual. For me, the best outcome of surfing a wave is that there is no best outcome. The art of doing it, is the best outcome. If I bail, amazing. If I rip it, amazing. If I sit there and watch it and don’t do a damn thing, amazing.

Surrendering to the “not knowing” and what the exact outcome will be once you’re out there, alone in the ocean, no one but you, board, water, current, weather and energy, is uncertain. But in fourteen seconds I am going to know, if I decide to. Learning to surf and honing this skill, understanding waves and the ocean, is an education so much more than learning just a sport and a lifestyle. It’s really fun and exciting and requires a lot of strength and stamina, but what it does to your mind and spirit, I’m not sure many other sports on Earth do the same thing.

Waves usually have a good goal, to bring you to shore. To take you in the direction you are looking towards. There’s no mystery there. I think that, until we decide to paddle out towards them without fear, welcoming them and what is to be found there, we lose out on the gifts that surrendering affords us. The waves and the mystery of them, are the answers themselves.   

When we accept, trust, love and welcome the unknown into our lives we are paddling harder towards a bigger truth and following a more vibrant path. The wave that seems way too big to even paddle for, isn’t. It’s been created just for you. The size is just right. The speed is perfect. The amount of mystery it’s holding is the correct amount. Trust it. And trust that you can ride this wave and you can rip down that pipe and still come out alive (and then get completely addicted to that feeling and never stop doing it).

I used to be a wave addict. Even watching them would get me high. But really surfing one, that rush, what a mysterious feeling, I’ve never been able to replicate that. There is an energy between you and the ocean that you just cannot get anywhere else.

Every mysterious event, coincidental occurrence and unexplainable situation is, I believe, a message. Some stronger than others. Waving at that message and excitedly paddling towards it, watch what happens. You can always stop paddling once you get closer to it, re evaluate, sit, wait, let this wave roll under you, then as the next one appears make a new call. But always keep paddling in that direction signaling to the ocean that you’re on board, literally. Expressing the cohesion.

Each wave will take you on a great ride. There will be more clarity in front of you because you paddled out. Things will make more sense. You are on top of the mystery, guiding it as it is guiding you. Both going to the same place. The mystery wants you to give it all you got in all forms of belief and trust. It is not your foe but a friend sent to help guide you. And you are allowed to take comfort in knowing that no matter how big and intimidating it is right now, it won’t be this big forever.

When we allow the Universe to take care of us, it gives us leverage to create something wonderful. Trusting in signs, messages and in the confusions, can take you from feeling directionless and throw you smack dab into a place where meaning and importance for what you are here to do and be, is more obvious. Trust is so powerful. Belief and optimism are like elixirs that if you consistently drink them, they keep you hydrated in the most valuable ways.

Whatever you’re thinking right now reading this, it’s valid and there’s truth to it. This post today is your sign. Go with it!

When we fully let go, breathe and let the wave of mystery penetrate our vibrational forces, befriending it, we can find more beauty and more significance in the life we are trying our best to live. We begin to connect more deeply to a higher purpose. 

The Price of Shoes

~ Emma ~ Leave a comment

Buying new shoes, especially ones that really fit, can change a lot of things. And when I say “fit” I don’t mean like, “Oh these are so much comfier than my other ones!” I mean, they fit on a level that change how you exist and think. Your muscles, bones, ligaments, energy, it’s just different, more aligned, springier, more youthful. A new pair of shoes doesn’t just add pop to your wardrobe, they can add years to your life. Enhancing the way you walk, the way your bones feel, how your muscles work. These shoes help to release tension you didn’t know you were carrying.

Shoes like this, you need to pay real money for. When you consistently buy cheapo shoes or the less expensive ones and you love them, and they do the job ok, but after a short time your body begins to ache, and the colour starts to fade faster, they start wearing out and they wear you out in the process. Until you step into a new pair of quality shoes, with proper support, and shoes that just know how to give you all that you’re supposed to have in order to walk this Earth in the best possible way, you sort of never really appreciate what this kind of purchase and investment can provide.

I have small feet, so I’m always shopping for Kids shoes, and it’s great because I love getting fun floral, pink patterned, sparkly shoes and kids shoes are great! Less expensive too. I think it’s sort of fun being able to wear kids shoes, but, they’re never what I really need out of a shoe. I’m settling and not making the investment on myself to go for the really good ones, the ones I know that I should be wearing, that are really meant for my feet, that will support me in all the ways I need in order to get the maximum out of every single step that I take.

When my old pair of shoes wear out and I just can’t suck any more wear out of them, I have a little bit of sadness. I think about all the places I went with them and the places they took me, the journey that those steps in those shoes created. And even though they’re just shoes, it’s the same kind of thing we feel I think with a favourite sweater, or a shirt or a piece of jewelry, or a hat. Comfort, memory, sameness. I think shoes are a lot different than putting on a favourite cozy hoodie though.

Shoes impact and influence your soul energy. The way we walk and present ourselves is so largely influenced by how our body, muscles and bones work and feel. A good pair of shoes can help to relieve so many physical ailments which can then directly impact our mental ones. A new pair of shoes, just like a new set of thoughts, can change our entire mental game. That’s why, stepping into a new pair of shoes can feel like, your life has just changed. “My hips feel less tight. I’m standing up straighter. My knees don’t ache as much now when I walk for long periods. My existence has improved”. Just from two pieces of footwear. You never really think about the impact that this has until you’ve been aching for a long time, feeling misaligned, choosing the wrong pair, after the wrong pair, body getting more and more tired, needing to work harder and harder to work optimally. And then Boom, one single step in a new pair of shoes and the life you were living before, is in the past. You’re like a new person. A different feeling, moving, breathing person.

Someone I love just got a new pair of shoes recently and this is what has inspired this post today. And I know there are people reading this right now who are thinking, “What’s on my feet?”. I never realized the importance of investing and paying more money for shoes until I did it. Took a leap. Saw and felt what life could be like in one of “those” pairs of shoes. And paying for a new pair like that, you also sort of know that they’re going to be with you for a long time. Even on the days where you wear your other shoes, and these new ones stay in the closet, they’re still there waiting for you to step right back into them and feel that difference. Feel the way life is different when you walk in them.

New shoes even bring you closer to where you’re supposed to go. Because your energy is different in these shoes, it’s more revved up, vitalized on a whole new level, fresh and buzzing, and with that energy you have much better direction. All because of shoes. A much better understanding of where you’re supposed to go, because you’ve got the right support. Your bones, muscles, mind, blood flow, aura, it’s all in a better place because of these shoes, and so naturally, these shoes just compliment your understanding of your existence better and how you’re supposed to be living, purely by giving you what you didn’t realize you needed to live better.

Things get clearer when you wear the right shoes. Clarity on how life is supposed to feel. It takes time to find that right pair though. And lately when I find the good ones that might be a bit pricier, I buy two of the same. Spend that money. Go big on this, keep investing in the exact same pair. Keep it consistent, and simple. Don’t look anywhere else, because these shoes know what you need and they’ll keep giving it and giving it and giving it. Having lots of different pairs of shoes that feel different on your feet and make you walk differently, feel differently, these misalignments add up. The tensions build, muscles get used to working inefficiently and things start to wear and break down.

I end up buying new shoes (but not the RIGHT ones) every year or six months. I walk A LOT. Walking is my life. I take so many steps and the shoes I’m in, I just know aren’t serving me in the ways that my body needs. So, that’s it. No more. I am frugal and don’t spend money on “things” very often. You can’t be frugal with shoes. These are not “things”. And you can’t be frugal with your heart either. Investing in that good pair of shoes, buying two or three of the same ones, is going to guarantee that you’re walking with the right stuff happening. Just like investing in a person. It’s risky at first because you don’t know how far this pair will be able to take you. If it’s the perfect pair, invest, invest, invest, buy nine pairs of the exact same one so you never have to take one step on this Earth without them on your feet. But how do you know if they are the perfect pair? Just try them on.

But like all things in life, shoes do wear out. But if you can afford it, financially and emotionally to keep making the investment and sticking with the same pair, the one that keeps you aligned, relaxed in your bones, joyful in your thoughts, fired up in your vibrations, then it’s worth spending that money and spending the emotions, creating a savings account JUST for these shoes, so you know when they get a little worn down, you’ve got the juice in the tank, saved up to get more of that same shoe in a fresher way.

That same pair can be with you forever. Sure, there’s lots of amazing feeling shoes out there, that are going to strike up good feelings all over your body. Comfort is found in many ways and even the less expensive pairs of shoes can give comfort, and having many different pairs of very expensive comfortable shoes can be nice too. But, in my opinion, there will always be that one pair. That one pair out of all the other expensive and supportive ones, that you’ll still want to choose because there’s just something different that when you wear them, you are the most authentic you, and you feel safest in this pair over all the others. You trust this pair. The others are worth the investment too. But this pair just fits, not physically with it just being the right size and shape, but, this pair fits because you’re a better person wearing these ones.

Settle for thrift store T-shirts. Dollar store socks and pants. But shoes, if you can and have the means, don’t mess around with this. What goes on your feet, the shoes that you decide to step into, directly influence your energy, thoughts and decisions. Find that amazing pair that you can’t live without. And never stop wearing them. Let them guide you to the places you’re supposed to go. Let these shoes into your life, they’re sitting on the shelf just waiting for you to come get them. And once you have them, throw out all the old shoes that are widening the cracks on your heart and your soul, they aren’t serving you. You deserve to float through life with happy feet.

Clearing away the shoes you’ve worn out, the ones that don’t give to you anymore in the ways that you’re supposed to receive for proper alignment, throwing out that pile of different shoes you’re holding onto because they’re still a bit comfy and you wore them for so long, here and there, and they are still pretty cute and they still “work”, and they’re convenient and easy, is only wearing you down. Level up and toss those suckers. Keep investing in the good pair. Over and over and over.

They say “eyes are the window to the soul”. With that in mind, I think that “shoes are a bridge to another life”. Trying them on, taking a few new steps, walking differently, you’ll be amazed at the bridges that start to emerge where they never were before. Helping you to overcome and walk above the dirty waters, getting over the influences, instead of staying under them. Deciding to wear these shoes is all within your power. Just the act of picking them up off the shelf, choosing this pair, will start the bridge construction process. Continuing to walk in them day after day, will get you closer to that really big bridge that you need to walk across that you have been avoiding. The one that has alligators living below it. You know these shoes can get you over that bridge. You’ve invested, you took that leap, they’re on your feet. Start walking and don’t look back.

This amazing pair of shoes, they aren’t another person, or a thing, or an event. This perfect pair of shoes, the ones that are meant for your feet that keep you walking in a straight line when you’re almost on the verge of diversion, this perfect pair of shoes that still stays clean when you’re swamp walking, this perfect pair of shoes that you spent all your savings on because of the value they bring, this perfect pair of shoes that know how to restore your physical, mental and spiritual self, this perfect pair of shoes…is you.

Happy Ambulation Everyone.

No Through Road

~ Emma ~ 1 Comment

Today, this 16th day of January, for some reason my mind has been pulled to one of Dr. Seuss’ poems. My favourite one. What a brilliant man he was. And why today this poem has throttled its way into my mental sphere I’m not sure. I always trust the guidance of these special occurrences and I don’t let them go unnoticed. I think our subconscious is always working for us in useful ways, (appreciating that it also works the opposite too) and I believe that the places we go, the people we meet and the choices we make in these places, with these people, aren’t without a lot of subconscious influence. Sometimes these pulls are so unexplainable that it’s mental mayhem, an internal GPS system that’s gone off the rails, like, you went left and were supposed to go right, and course correction now is a bit of a headache. Just reset the GPS it knows where I’m supposed to go right? But oh wait, can we do that? I’d LOVE to reset my internal GPS system so I’m controlling it and it’s not controlling me. We are always in control of what we do, say, think and how we act in all situations consciously, it’s that darn GPS lurking in the background that can make things appear and feel outside of our control. 

I think in a way, it is quite beautiful to trust the subconscious pulls and pushes because whatever happens as a result of them is what will inadvertently trigger a change in the GPS anyway. Every experience, moment, place and the resulting emotions attached to those, imprint a different map to our GPS to guide us better in the future. So, I think it’s important to take wrong turns, recognize that no matter what you’re thinking and feeling on each road, there’s merit and purpose behind it all. 

Some days I wish I could return my GPS System for a whole new one, and see what that would be like…step into a different vehicle all together, but until that’s possible I’ll settle with the map and wheels I have, be grateful that it’s such a good one, and trust that maybe there is no final destination and that life is just one big navigation network after another and what makes it wonderful is the perspective, understanding and clarity that results from the system going completely amok! 

“Warning. Alert. No Through Road. You took the wrong exit, get back on the highway RIGHT NOW! Or don’t…see where this goes. Or not. Why don’t you just stop at the side of the road here, have a snack, open the window, watch the birds and the clouds, those cows in the field just over there and pause, you need a break from driving. Just sit here in the sun, in the silence. There’s no rush. There’s too many signs and pit stops along that highway anyway, try the next one.” That’s my kind of GPS. 

So for anyone who needs to read these words of Dr. Seuss today, here they are! Maybe they’ll do for you what they are doing for me, and what that is exactly I don’t really know, all I know is I’m supposed to read them, right here, right now. So I’m going to keep reading until something deeper sinks in, clicks, clacks or hits. I can’t be the only person who needs to read this today so, I saved your subconscious that task of finding it and bringing it to your awareness. 

From my GPS to yours, happy motoring! 

Oh The Places You’ll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself 
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, 
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t
Because, sometimes they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up 
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s 
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!